My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
