I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
