dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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