i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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