I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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