sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
