I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
