Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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