I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
