called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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