Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
