you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
