make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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