I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
