did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize