I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
