Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
