CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She has the best kind of daddy issues
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
