I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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