google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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