Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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