Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
