Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
