i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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