Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We talked him into tasing himself.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
