I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Found your dick twin last night
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize