Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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