An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
