Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
