eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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