On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize