Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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