I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
