so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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