dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
