You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
