Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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