Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
