so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize