in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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