i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
