i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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