literally had 100 drinks last night.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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