I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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