The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
