Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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