I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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