No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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