I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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