ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
