i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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