I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
