I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Are we in a gay sports bar?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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