Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
