She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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