im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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