I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
