i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
