then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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