i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
