My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
