Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
