Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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