I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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