So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I am one with the molecules
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
