Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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