take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
