Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
