Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
