Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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