Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
