You're so nebulous sometimes
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
