is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
