I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
