bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize