kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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