Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
