Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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