Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
