i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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