just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
