i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
