Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
