The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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