I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize