I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
